that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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