My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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