Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize