isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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