I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
