New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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