Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
