so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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