it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
