i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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