3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
