theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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