my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
