its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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