Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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