If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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