Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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