I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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