I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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