put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
