He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
