Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
