Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
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