remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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