I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
