Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
