so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
