Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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