you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
