my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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