That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
