I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize