How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
