Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
