I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
