I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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