In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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