So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
