Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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