um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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