Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize