There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
