the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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