You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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