We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Fuck appropriateness.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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