Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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