I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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