I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize