and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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