so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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