The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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