i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
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There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
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I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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