Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
