All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
