I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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