Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
