I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
