i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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