what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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