glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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