am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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