atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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