can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
