Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
