i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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