it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
