we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im six kinds of drunk right now
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
