I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
id be glad to
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
