This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
