so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
