i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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