I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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